Life: His will*

"YOUR will, above all else" 

This is a lyric form one of my favorite songs. It's a lyric I repeat to myself in the moments of disappointment, discouragement, or uncertainty. See, I have a tendency to be a control freak. Ok, there is no tendency about it, I, Heidi, am a control freak. I want a plan for everything. I don't do well with a "lets just wing it" mentality. This goes for work, for home, for life. I have to know whats next, always. I hate the unknown... and I hate change even more. And with the unknown usually comes change, and a need for adaptation. And let me tell you,  I adapt to new things about like a cat adapts to water. Screeches, claws, and all. 

So when I set a plan in place for something big in my life, and it doesn't go quite like I had mapped it out, disappointment and fear of the unknown creep in. And we all know "what ifs" are a fear of the unknowns worst enemy. They can occupy space in my mind that wasn't even vacant and whisper doubt right to my core--What if it doesn't happen? What if it doesn't happen in the time period I have so perfectly planned out? What if its not meant to be? What if? What if? What if? But in the midst of my doubts, and fears, my faith gets pushed aside, and I forget that above all else His will prevails. His will for my life will happen. His will for my life will happen in the time period He has so perfectly planned out. His will for my life is meant to be. His will. His will. His will. 

I can try all I want to predict the future, but all that effort to do the impossible steals precious time that could be spent thanking God for making all things possible! He knows my heart, He hears my prayers, He knows what I long for, what I dream of, what I want so badly, but most importantly HE KNOWS WHAT I NEED, and He always provides. I trust in Him, and I trust that despite my best laid plans, His plans are better. 

Life: 'round here*

Well hello there Monday! This weekend came and went way to quickly. It was full of family, and friends, and furry friends (or hairy friends, whichever cows fall under). From mud covered kiddos, to homemade pizza night,a  surprise 30th birthday party, jacks donuts, baby snuggles, a day spent with my in-laws, and watching a calf be born.. I'd say its been interesting 'round here. 

My weekend started like a bat out of hell, when three tweenaged girls got off the bus and made their way into my house. Off they went shrieking their way outside to play in the temporary springlike weather we were so lucky to have. But what happens when sun hits snow? Anyone know, because I briefly forgot and was quickly reminded by three girls covered head to toe in MUD. Next thing I know, I am standing with a water hose washing the mud off of everyone and their shoes, and worrying my house was going to soon be banned by the other parents at munchkins school. Never a dull moment in this mommy's life. 

My weekend continued with homemade pizza night, and 4H books. I now can tell you all the parts of a cow. Thank you Hamilton County 4H for educating this city girl!  Our Friday night was followed by a lazy Saturday morning, a munchkin and mommy date at Menchies, and then a surprise birthday party for my sister-in-law and best friend, Ali, at Wolfies. Sunday I got to spend my morning with my niece and nephew at Jacks Donuts while my husband and sister-in-law went to their EMT class. We then made our way to my mother-in-laws for lunch and there I got to snuggle with my other two nephews. I am one lucky Aunt! Speaking of being an Aunt, less than 4 months until the newest slugger enters the line up! I am beyond excited! If you saw my closet you'd think I was preparing to welcome a little boy of my own! I love everything babies, and finally its starting to rub off on my husband!

After a few errands, a nap for my wore out munchkin, and a raunchy harlequin novel, we headed to my father-in-laws to meet my husband and have homemade chicken in noodles, and apple pie! After dinner, the kids and Papaw headed to see the new baby calves, and not long after we got a call that one of the cows was in birth! I couldn't get my shoes on fast enough!! Me and my two sister in laws headed to the farm, climbed our way over the fence, and jumped on the Kabota and made it to the mama cow just in time to see the baby plop right out. Yes it just plopped right out. Bam. Out came the baby. Welcome to the world little one, BOOM, cow hits ground. All the while the youngest nephew is singing "the cow came out of the moms butt!" ...welcome to the farm. 

It really was one of the coolest things I've ever seen! After the baby was born the mom starting licking the calf all over. I assumed this is similar to humans kissing their babies right after birth, but Google (aka the city girls encyclopedia) told me , that mom cows lick their babies immediately after birth to remove the membranes and amniotic fluid, and to prevent the baby from getting too cold too quickly. That's true love folks. The more I learn about cows the more fascinated I become! I've now informed my husband that I want to scrub in for every birth from here on out! Who needs nursing school, or sex ed,  when you live on a farm... ;) 

Now its time to put my house back in to one piece, clean the mud off our boots, and start putting check marks next to my to-do list! Here's to a wonderful start to the week! 

 girls will be girls // homemade flatbread pizza

munchkin and mommy // Menchies date // happy birthday to the other city girl in the fam!

Jack's Donuts // baby snuggles // welcome to the world baby

Life: Morning blessings*

I never thought it would be possible for me to be a morning person but now that I'm used to waking up at 4:30 three days out of the week, I've grown to love starting my day early! There's something so peaceful about the mornings, when everyone is still sleeping and I can sit down in complete quiet to read, or write, or pray, and drink my coffee. It makes me appreciate the small blessings in life! 

The beauty of a sunrise, the smell of coffee, the stillness of the world, the innocence of my daughter while she dreams, the power of a prayer,  the words of a good book, the beginning of a brand new day! 

Good morning world, pay attention to all the small blessings today, in every situation, in every interaction, in every day ... notice them, savor them, hold on to them! 

Dear Life: I choose*

DEAR LIFE ... Here is my heart 

This post from one of my favorite blogs, The Daily Love, inspired me to sit down and write a letter of my own, all fear of judgment aside, this comes straight from my heart. 

D e a r L i f e, 

[february 23,3014] 

I hand you my heart.  With all of its bruises, and scars. With all of the parts beautiful and ugly that have formed me into the woman I am.

I hand you my heart and vow to be kind to myself and gentle with my flaws. I choose to see myself through loving eyes. 

Today, and most days, I struggle to keep my emotions in a state of equilibrium, but I choose to trust that this characteristic is not to be wished away, but rather embraced. Every part of me, outside and in, was designed for a grander purpose.

 I choose to run hard after the things in my life that bring me joy, love, and laughter. 

I choose to love all I am, and all that I am becoming, and I choose to see my past self in a light of grace. Others opinions are not my reality. "I have a choice at all times at how I will respond to things." Every single moment in my life has played a role in shaping me, molding me, and refining me into the woman God created. 

I choose to take steps forward on my journey, keeping my eyes up, on the One who is paving my path. I may not be able to see that far in front of me, and there are moments of intense fear that cause my heart and feet to stumble, but I choose to put faith above my fears. My past has no impact on my future. I trust these words completely. Bad choices do not make bad people, I vow to trace these words on my heart.  I choose to let go and let God. 

Despite my best laid efforts, some days I fail. I am a work in progress, and I choose to believe I am improving every day. I will not allow my set backs to define me. I choose to keep pushing forward. Living my life consciously seeking the beauty in the mundane.

Life, you have given me many trials to overcome, but I am an overcomer. My heart is strong. I choose to celebrate my circumstances and live in the truth that anything is possible. I choose to focus on how far I've come not on how far I have to go. I refuse to allow anything or anyone to cause me to see myself as less than the amazing woman I am. 

My choices are the cornerstone for my contentment. I choose happiness. 

Dear Life, lead my heart with good intentions, fill my heart with gratitude, teach my heart to be merciful, give my heart desires purpose, and handle my heart with care. 

Love always, 

Heidi 

Life: From 2013 to 2014*

Considering one of my 2014 goals is to be more consistent on writing; I should probably show some love to my blog. Plus, after a few too many days of no updates I will start getting calls and texts from my mom, my sister in law and my best friend telling me they are getting tired of opening my page and not seeing anything new. So hello to you gals, my faithful readers, and hello to my husband, who in the rare occasion gets some down time, checks in to see if I'm doing a little too much husband bragging ;) (hes a bit too modest for that kind of stuff)- and hello to all my other readers; HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all! I, like many other resolution makers out there, vow to stick to this one- so stay tuned! 

Along with writing, I have plenty of other 2014 goals I plan to conquer! I am a sucker for resolutions, always have been! My husband laughs at me because come New Years Eve I have a list started of everything I want to start doing, stop doing, continue doing, do better at, do more of.... all of which I forget a few short days/weeks later. Can I tell you what my resolutions were from last year? No probably not. Did something drastically change from 2013 to 2014 that I vowed to change? Not in the sense of resolutions. Did I have a great year? Absolutely. Was it because I made a bunch of resolutions that I stuck to? Absolutely not. BUT resolutions are fun, and they remind me of the importance of setting goals and of reflecting on my life. So with 4 days of 2014 under my belt, it is time for me to curl up to a cup of coffee and do just that. I broke it down into three lists- feel free to join along and do some reflecting of your own! 

Memories from 2013

• Starting a job that I love!! 
• Welcoming new babies into my life, and finding out about new babies that are coming in 2014!
• Getting to spend so much time with my Mom, brother and sister in law! 
• Celebrating munchkin's 8th birthday in Chicago. 
• Seeing my daughter become a confident and brave little girl! I am so proud of her for everything she has accomplished this year! Things I would have never had the courage to do at her age. 
• Watching my husband pursue his dreams of becoming a firefighter, and continuing that dream of becoming an EMT this year! I am so incredibly proud of him!

Lessons from 2013

• Beauty has more to do with how I feel than how I look. 
• I am capable of making a difference in others lives simply by smiling. 
• I can survive waking up at 4:30 in the morning and spending 12 hours on my feet, and enjoy myself while doing it. 
• Frustrating people don't have to frustrate me. I am in charge of how I react to others. 
• Small acts of kindness can soften the hardest of hearts (I've learned this with dealing with my patients) 
• Caring what other people think of me is incredibly draining and so not worth it. Love yourself, be yourself, and do whatever the heck you want! If someone has a problem with it, oh well!
• Being optimistic is a lot of fun! So I apologize to all my twitter followers for overflowing your feed with positive polly posts, but they make my days a little brighter! Living 2014 with a glass half FULL mentality :) 

Goals for 2014 

• Try something new: take a spin class; or a Pilates class; run a 1/2 marathon maybe?; go gluten free; read a book I wouldn't normally pick
• SODA FREE in 2014!!! (haven't had mt. dew in an entire week--oh m gee. I thought I was dying, caffeine withdraw is real..and it blows) 
• spend more time at home. I am always on the go and get anxious if I am not doing something constantly, but I want to slow down and learn to enjoy simplicity. 
• Pamper myself. Because I deserve it! And well I'm sure my husband will appreciate shaved legs. 
• Take more risks! 
• Write without censors. 
• Go to Church consistently 
• Wear more red lipstick. 
• Become my daughters cheerleader instead of just her leader! I want to be a better example of gratitude for her!
• Be a better friend to my husband, and never let him go a day without showing him how much I appreciate everything he does! 

From 2013 to 2014, wishing you all a year of memories, lessons learned and goals achieved! Until next year!